Chapter 9: Empathy

Let me tell you about two men I once observed in a coffee shop. The first man, rushing to his meeting, bumped into the second, spilling coffee all over both their suits. The first man saw an obstacle that made him late. The second man saw a fellow human having a difficult day. Same moment, entirely different worlds.

You see, empathy isn’t just about feeling what others feel. It’s about something far more fundamental: it’s about seeing others as people rather than objects in our way. And that, my friends, is where everything changes.

Imagine you’re driving to an important meeting. Someone cuts you off in traffic. In that moment, you have a choice. You can see them as an object: an obstacle, a problem, an inconsiderate driver. Or you can see them as a person, maybe a parent rushing to pick up a sick child, or someone who just lost their job. That choice, that shift in perception, is where empathy begins.

Let me share something profound with you. Every time we fail to see others as people, we build what I call a box around our hearts. Inside this box, we’re always right, and others are always wrong. We justify our anger, our indifference, our cruelty. But here’s the thing: the box that protects us also imprisons us.

And here’s what makes this even more insidious. When we see others as objects, our brains immediately begin attaching labels. Man. Woman. Black. White. Young. Old. Rich. Poor. Educated. Ignorant. Hostile. Friendly. These labels happen in a fraction of a second, almost unconsciously. And once the label is attached, we stop seeing the person entirely. We see only the category, only the stereotype, only the assumption.

Think about it. You see someone walking toward you on the street. Before you even register their face as an individual, your brain has already sorted them: threatening or safe, like me or different from me, worthy of attention or dismissible. These labels become a wall between you and their humanity. You’re no longer looking at a person with a name, a story, dreams, and struggles. You’re looking at a label, and you respond to that label based on all your preconceptions and biases.

This is how prejudice operates. This is how discrimination thrives. Not through conscious hatred, but through the unconscious habit of labeling people as objects and then never looking past those labels to see the human being beneath.

Sarah, a CEO I know, used to pride herself on being “tough but fair.” Her employees were resources to be managed, problems to be solved. Then one day, her assistant Maria didn’t show up for an important meeting. Sarah was furious until she learned that Maria had spent the night in the emergency room with her elderly mother.

In that moment, Sarah’s box began to crack. She realized she knew nothing about Maria’s life, her struggles, her dreams. She had been so focused on what Maria could do for her, she’d forgotten who Maria was. Sarah had labeled Maria as “assistant,” “subordinate,” “employee,” and those labels had prevented her from seeing Maria as a daughter caring for her mother, a person with a life beyond the office, a human being with her own hopes and fears. That realization changed everything, not just for Maria, but for how Sarah led her entire company.

Recent neuroscience has shown us something remarkable. When we truly see others as people, our brains literally sync up with theirs. It’s called neural synchronization. We begin to mirror each other’s emotions, understand each other’s perspectives. It’s as if nature itself has built us for connection, for understanding, for empathy.

But here’s what’s fascinating: this only happens when we’re genuinely open to others. When we’re in our boxes, seeing others as objects and slapping labels on them, these neural connections don’t form. We literally cut ourselves off from our natural capacity for understanding. The labels act like shields, blocking the very brain processes that would help us connect.

In The Path, we practice what I call “the three questions.” We ask ourselves what this person might be feeling right now. We consider what hopes, fears, or burdens they might be carrying. We reflect on how we would want to be seen and understood in their situation. These aren’t just questions. They’re keys that unlock our boxes. They help us remember that everyone we meet is fighting battles we know nothing about. More importantly, they force us to look past the labels, to see beyond the categories our brains automatically create, and to encounter the actual human being standing before us.

Let me tell you about David, a high school principal who transformed his school not through new policies or programs, but through empathy. He started each day asking himself, “How can I help my teachers and students feel seen today?” But what made David’s approach revolutionary was his deliberate practice of catching himself applying labels. When he found himself thinking of a student as “troublemaker” or “underachiever,” he would stop and force himself to learn three specific things about that student’s life, their interests, their challenges. He trained himself to see past the label to the person. The change was remarkable. Teachers who felt understood became more understanding. Students who felt seen began to see others.

You see, empathy creates a ripple effect. When we truly see others, they begin to see themselves differently. And when people feel seen and understood, they’re more likely to extend that same understanding to others.

Now, here’s something crucial to understand: empathy doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone. You can deeply understand someone’s perspective while still disagreeing with their conclusions. The key is maintaining their humanity in your eyes, even in disagreement.

Consider Judge Martinez, who serves in a community court. She tells every person who comes before her bench, “I may not agree with your choices, but I want to understand your story.” She’s learned to catch herself when labels like “criminal,” “addict,” or “failure” try to cloud her vision. Instead, she sees people: someone’s son who made terrible choices, someone’s mother struggling with addiction, someone’s neighbor who lost their way. This approach has led to more rehabilitation and less recidivism than any punitive measure could achieve.

It takes courage to step out of our boxes. When we see others as people, when we look past the labels, we can no longer ignore their pain. We can no longer pretend their struggles don’t matter. We have to act, to reach out, to help. That’s why many prefer the safety of their boxes: it’s easier not to see, not to feel, not to care. The labels give us permission to dismiss, to judge, to turn away.

But here’s the truth: those boxes that seem to protect us actually diminish us. They make our world smaller, our hearts harder, our lives poorer. And those labels we attach so quickly? They don’t just limit how we see others. They limit who we can become.

In The Path, we understand that empathy isn’t just a nice addition to life. It’s essential to being fully human. It’s the bridge between me and we, between isolation and community, between conflict and peace. And it requires us to constantly challenge the labels our brains want to assign, to look deeper, to see more fully.

Remember those two men in the coffee shop? The second man helped the first clean up, offered to pay for dry cleaning, and ended up making a friend. He chose to see a person rather than an obstacle. And in doing so, he didn’t just change a moment. He changed two lives.

That’s the power of empathy in action. It transforms obstacles into opportunities, strangers into friends, and problems into possibilities. It’s not always easy. It’s not always comfortable. But it’s always worth it.

Because in the end, my friends, we have a choice. We can live in our boxes, seeing others as objects and reducing them to labels. Or we can step out, look past the categories our minds automatically create, see the humanity in every face we meet, and create a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.

The choice is yours. But remember: every time you choose to see another person’s humanity, every time you look past the label to see the person, you affirm your own.

Let’s walk The Path together...